Episode #5 – Kidnapped | Small Town Hackers


(mysterious piano music) – [Man] So this is what I heard, like when the Bulowskis
wanna teach you a lesson, they put a horny boy rat in your gob, then stitch your mouth shut. Then they put a lady
rat on heat up your bum, and then the rats chew through the body and get to each other,
and then once they do, your corpse is nothin’
but a dirty rat fuck pit! – [DJ] Jesus Christ. (hacking cough) It’s quarter past the hour, Baron FM. (tires screech) (alarm bell ringing) – [Alex] Good evening, sir, I- (gasps) – That’s not security or police. (tires screeching) – You feel that? It’s a six-inch kitchen knife grazing against your left testicle. I’m only asking once. What were you doin’ at the cop shop? – [Alex] Nothing.
(metal clangs) Uh, you know, it was just a prank. I-I was… I was gonna put some fish in
the air conditioning duct? Yeah, it was gonna be, um, piss-funny. – Well, it’s time to take a little drive. – [Peng] Devon! Devon! (metal bangs)
(Devon groans) – [Devon] What’s goin’ on? Is Alex takin’ a power nap? – No, he’s dead! – No, no, no, they wouldn’t kill him here, they’d take him up Pewkton
Way for that kinda thing. – [Peng] Keep your distance, Tess. – Is… (jazz music) – Alex? How bad do you want me? – I don’t have time for
a sex dream right now. – Kiss me. – I’ve been kidnapped by gangsters. I’m not in the mood. Okay, you got me. Just a quickie, then.
(laughs) (screams) (Alex groans) – Can anyone hear me?
– Oh! Yes, we can hear you! – I still got the USB stick. I just need to hide it from these maniacs. – All right, Alex, listen
to me very carefully. Take the USB and put it in your mouth. Once lubricated, gently
push it into your asshole. – Devon!
– Why you say that? – What?!
– Into your asshole? I think this thing’s faulty. Is it? – [Alex] I can hear you
perfectly fine, Devon. Dude, you’re a flippin’ idiot! This whole thing is your fault! – Alex, we’re on their tail, okay? And it looks like they are heading to Pewkton after all, boys. – [Alex] What’s that mean? – Oh, what? Nothing! Everything’s fine! It’s so fine. (groans) He’s a goner, and I heard
they don’t fuck around. Bulowskis prefer a slow, agonizing death. They use specially prepared
rats to gnaw through the body. – [Alex] I can still hear you. – Ah, shit! – [Peng] Oh! – Now look, everyone, just shut up! It’s pretty clear that we’re
not cut out to be hackers. Just go home, all right? This is too dangerous. – Oh yeah? If that’s what you want. – No, come on, he’s your brother, Devon! Give him some words of encouragement. – Hey, Alex. It’s Devon. Your brother? D’you remember Christmas? That Christmas my pet guinea pig got stuck behind the radiator? It was stuck in there, everyone’s like, “Oh, no! “There’s no way it’s comin’ out!” Then I got the pool cue, popped right out. It was fine. – That was my guinea
pig, and you impaled it. – I think if you’ll remember correctly, that was a shared pig. (phone chiming) (Alex groaning) (tapping) (message beeps) (ominous music)

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