“Theft and Battery” – Inanimate Insanity II [Ep. 8]


[soccer ball bouncing] You know, guys, after being eliminated for like, a day or so, I realized I should take this competition more seriously. Oh, but you were doing so much to begin with! I’m just glad that nonsense is over with. I was scared we almost lost you. Yeah. We need the numbers to advance in this game. And, y-you know, she’s our friend? Oh, y-yeah, sure, that. Right. It had to have been pretty small to fit behind that bush, but what WAS it? What if it wasn’t even a bush? It could’ve been a shrub. Mic! I’ve just experienced the most horrible thing! It was a monstrosity! What? What was it? Your personality! Get it? Because everyone thinks you’re annoying! [laughs] [echoed laughter, whistling] What do you even know about me? Huh? [laughs, abruptly stops] Huh? You just waltz in here, saying these offensive things! Is that the person you want to be, Cheesy? A person that makes everyone upset? THAT’S the monstrosity. [theme music] Uh, it’s Elimination Time. Isn’t MePhone supposed to be here? My apologies, Mr. Balloon. MePhone appears to be running a tad bit late today. A tad bit, sir. [groans, glitches] I’m here, guys. [sparks] Thanks for waiting. [glitches] MePhone! You look even worse than usual. Shut up, Knife. [glitches] Shut up. [glitches] What do you even do? [sparks] Do you even go here? [glitches] Sir, are you well? You don’t seem to be yourself. Ugh, [glitches] that Tissue guy sneezed on me! I think I might have the… “condishawn”! [glitches] But I’m probably-probably-probably-probably-probably- probably-probably-probably-probably-probably-ly-ly-ly-ly [glitches] fine. I’m quite concerned about your health, sir. I advise that you seek immediate care. Nah. [glitches] Now let’s just do the… elimination. Do we have prizes to give to the safe competitors? I didn’t get those-se-se. There’s no prizes. [glitches] Let’s just do the rundown. [glitches] MePAD: The rundown, sir? Did we rehearse that? No. [sparks] The people who are safe are… You know what? I don’t want to do this. MePad, you do this. [umpteenth glitch] I can do it, sir! I’ll make you so proud! The competitors safe are Suitcase, Baseball, Nickel– [glitchy voice] Hurry it up already! The eliminated competitor is Mr. Cheesy, with 2,605 votes. A record high, truly unprecedented. [normally]: Hooray! Woo-hoo! [collapses] You know, after this morning, I realized that sometimes my jokes hurt people’s feelings. I should probably switch gears
to something less offensive. Maybe try commercials again? Aw, Cheesy, you don’t need to do that. But Mic, you said it yourself. I’m just a monster. But comedy is a part of who you are! Just try not to bother people as much. I guess what I’m trying to say is… don’t do commercials. Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. And guess what? I found out humor isn’t entirely made up of puns. Hear this one. [clears throat] What do you call a– [kick] [screams] Ooh, look, sir! I did something! I hit the–I-I-I did it! Do you love me yet? Finally, [glitches] that menace is gone-ne-ne-ne. Now, let’s get to the next challenge. [glitches] I call it– [glitches] [gasps] Wow, I love that name! How did you come up with– [imitates glitch] No, I– [glitches, malfunctions] Mistah Phone? Do–do you need me to get you a pillow? Get up, ya bum! I love you! MePhone appears to have malfunctioned. Aah! Do you mean he’s sick? So, what happens if we don’t have a host? Oh, please don’t bring OJ back again. Toilet, the fate of MePhone’s existence depends on us. We need to cure him now. Luckily, I’m prepared for any technological disaster with my trusty bag of rice! [bag rustles] Mazel tov! [bag rustles]
[grunts] Fan! You said that would work! I thought everything on the Internet was true! Uh, that only works for water damage, and– Well, if we’re gonna have some rice, you need some soy sauce. [glass breaks, glitch] [power down] I mean, I need it. The battery must have shorted out. A trip to MeCloud for a fresh one would be an efficient solution. ALL: Huh? It’s the Meeple Headquarters. They have everything a Meeple product could want there. Everyone, we need your assistance. Everyone, this is a…challenge. If you do not participate, you will suffer immediate elimination. [all gasp] Oh, well, look at you! You think you’re the host now, don’t ya? Toilet, listen! We’re doing this to repair MePhone. You can partake as well. How about you go with the Grand Slams and I’ll go with the Bright Lights? Um, can we have you instead? Nope, you’re stuck with me! Yah! Great. We need to go to MeCloud, in the sky. How are we supposed to get there? Oh, oh-a! Mistah Phone wanted us to use these balloons for a challenge. Yes, that’s correct. Excellent work, Toilet. Yay– Can you believe it, Fan? We’re going to see Meeple Headquarters! Wowy, golly, gee whiz! Yeah, I’m so hyped! I heard it makes your wildest dreams look meaningless by comparison! Wow, you guys. I’m quite impressed. Ooh, you’re a Meeple fan too? Oh, no-no-no, no, no. Not at all. I’m just surprised you’re, uh, doing something. I mean, sh-shouldn’t we all just sit around? I mean, we’re gonna win either way, and, y’know, just because your theory said so! Mr. and Mrs. Paintbrush, I am detecting a high level of anger here. Perhaps you would like to hear the soothing sounds of an elegant waterfall. I don’t need a– [water softly rushing] Oh. Oh. That’s nice. [water softly rushing] Guys, their balloon is on our tail. We need to find a way to get there faster! Why don’t we cut off the tail, then they can’t grab it? You’re– you’re not serious. I have a better idea. [whooshing] [all gasp] [water softly rushing] [notification chimes] [Toilet screams] Soap? Did you just throw a person as ammo? What were you thinking? We need to win, Baseball. They’re the mess, we clean it. That’s all there is to it. Anyway, now that he’s gone, I hav– Oh, so you think you’re better than me, aren’t you? You’ve gotta be kidding me. How dare you throw me, you rubbish! You’re just a bunch of chimichangas! BLEH! Aah! I’m drenched in toilet water! Ah! Ah! Ah! [chime] Calm down, Soap. Nothing to be afraid of. [breathing rapidly] I did it! I remained strong– [loud crash, thud] Wow. Didn’t know it was possible to crashland on a cloud. Everyone to the MeCloud thingamabob! We gotta save Mistah Phone! I’m… [tile shatters] gonna KILL HIM. [wondrous music] [loud thud, spark] [MePhone6]: Bleh! Stop where you are! You think you’re just gonna walk into Meeple Headquarters? Well, I, MePhone6, am guarding it, and you can’t stop me! [tap] [malfunctions] [explosion] [elevator bell dings] Wow, look at all this stuff. Who made all this? VOICE: I did. No, no, no, no. That guy over there. I did. I am Steve. Steve Cobs. Oh, I get it. Welcome to Meeple, where the future is SO yesterday. How may I be of assistance? Well, we have a serious problem here, and we– MISTAH PHONE IS IN TROUBLE! Oh, you mean you’re having a MePhone problem. Well, can you tell me the version of your phone? Um, it’s a– Mistah Phone is a Mistah Phone number four. I counted. Four? As in MePhone4? That’s SO old. The one and only four. It’s just so…yesterday. Unacceptable. Oh, no! Did we miss anything? Wow. You’re lucky. Your generation might get
to live in a place like this. Who is this pinhead? [twinkle] Hm, I appreciate that. Really, you have no idea. So, you guys need a MePhone4 cure? That ancient relic would be in Meeple care. But first, come along. I’ll show you around. Let’s look at my game design days for a bit, or should I say, “8-bit”? Ha! He is perfection. Guys, not to sound rude, but didn’t MePhone 5S and 5C just try to kill MePhone4? Didn’t this guy create them? Why would he support us when he just tried to kill us? Oh, that’s nonsense. He’s my business partner. Those staged fights on your show get us a lot of product replacement. Business par– Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Bbbr. Wait, MePhone never said it was all fake. Oh, he never told you? Brilliant. He must’ve wanted genuine performances, so he distorted the truth. I’m just gonna let that sink in for a moment. Well, on with the tour. A tour? This is gonna take forever. Hey, someone shoud grab that cure for MePhone. Maybe Suitcase– Huh? What? Who said that? It sounded like a good idea. It did. W-wait, what? You want me to steal? I can’t do that. You said it yourself – you wanted to take this competition more seriously. This is your chance, kiddo. Baseball, you want me to steal? It’s not stealing. MePhone needs that cure right away. Besides, no one would notice if you’re gone. Oh, and I mean that in a good way. Totally good way. Well, I do need to step up my game. Hey, uh, Mr. Cobs? Was all that stuff you said about the staged fights really true? Of course some of it was true. We get great product placement, amongst other possibilities. But, hey, we’re going off on a tangent here. This is the very garage where I created my first computer. I literally ripped it out of my parents’ house. I don’t talk to them anymore. Wow! Ooh! Ooh, look at here! Oh, it’s a wire! That’s… I mean… I’m glad you like it, but… what? It’s just a wire. Moving on. Mistah Phone always loved the other wires I got him. Uh, I hope we didn’t push Suitcase too far. Hey. We need to make sure our ally is loyal now, since Soap is getting a big head. She acts like it’s her team when it’s really yours. What was that about a big head? A big head? I can’t believe you just said that about me! That makes me… really appreciative. Thank you. [door opens, closes] [ominous music] [footsteps] [chime] What are you doing? Oh! I didn’t see you there. I’m just taking one of these batteries if that’s okay. Oh, yeah. That’s fine. Great! MECINTOSH: I mean, after all, you ARE only stealing it. [ominous chime] W-what? I’m just getting it for my friends. I know they’ll appreciate it. Oh. Of course they will. Yeah! [footsteps] MECINTOSH: For now. You do realize they only care about you when there’s something you can give to them, right? Well…uh… Betrayal’s inevitable. The clock is ticking. Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock… Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick… Uh, Mr.– Mr. Cobs? Mi-Mr.– Mr. Cobs! M-Mr. Cobs, stop! What’re you doing? Why, I’m innovating! It’s a Meeple Watch. Um, is that just a watch? ‘Is that just a watch?’ How dare you! It can tell time. Well, so does my regular watch. Well, can you call people on your “regular watch”? Huh? Um, no. THAT would be dumb. [button beeps,
Balloon pops] Oh, no, he’s gone. Who did that? I bet it was that Soap girl, always looking for trouble. Anyway, the tour has unfortunately come to an end, right here in my office. We’ve come full circle. Oh, full-on bravo. [clapping] Full-on bravo for you, my friend. You’ve created so much. I only wish I could give to the world the way YOU have. And perhaps you can. That egg you have there – do you realize the doors it could open for the scientific communi– scratch that. MY scientific community? I’ve never seen anything like it before. What are you saying? I’m saying if you give me the egg to run some research, YOU’LL be an innovator too. Uh… so it’ll change the world for the better? Look at you thinking. One of these days, you’ll be just like me. But what happens when the new becomes old, when the future becomes yesterday? Whoa. Back up, there. That’s enough thinking for one day. I mean, you have no reason to feel responsible for this egg, it’s not yours. But I do. I won’t do that to him, Mr. Cobs. I’m sorry. I see. Well, how about this, then? You give me your egg, and I get that MePhone4 battery for you right away. He said no! Yeah.
Stop getting all creepy. If you wanna get all creepy, pinhead, I know a guy. You think THIS is creepy? Once again, you’ve underestimated me. [grunts] Hey! Hey, guys. I just wanted to let you all know that I didn’t steal anything. Nope. [alarm blaring] [look at Lightbulb’s face, LOL] Unless my ear deceives me, it seems something has been stolen! But who could be the culprit? [car alarm chirps] Clearly, the culprit is… [clock ticking] YOU! *gasps* ME?! YOU said I had a big head. So clearly, you’re jealous of my knowledge. Who else could it have been? It was clearly Suitcase! No, it wasn’t. She said it wasn’t her. But now that you mention it, she IS getting a little sweaty around the edges. [suspenseful music
building up] It was me! It was me! I’m sorry! [whoosh, pop] Come on! Let’s get out of here! [footsteps] Soap, we were going to win! You just HAD to make us
come… clean. [footsteps] Oh, THAT? [scoffs] You can keep that measly cure. You can keep that egg, too. It’s just the beginning, and I’ll be in control soon enough. It’s only a matter of time! [watch breaks, electricity crackles] The watches bend, too. They do. [dramatic music, footsteps] [loud thud] [distorted] Bleh! I’m MePhone6+! [tap] [malfunctions] [footsteps continue] Let’s go, Bright Lights! We have this in the– [explosion] bag. [thud] Not so fast, MePad! I’ll smack you in the dubba! Toilet, I believe you are in the wrong balloon. I need to save Mistah Phone! You always get to help him! I want my chance! Bleh! Huh? [blade swings] [all scream] [wind whistling] Toilet, you are leading us to imminent death. I must ask why. Because I want to be the good assistant. You always get the spotlight, and I get the hogwash. I’m sorry you feel that way, but my intention is to assist MePhone4, and I thought that was yours, too. Well, it is, but– I do not intend on being superior to you at all. I consider us equals. We both serve a different purpose, is all. Oh. I appreciate that. Hey, guys. Hate to break the touching moment, but we’re gonna DIE! Oh. Quite valid. [teleportation sound] [gondola breaks] [teleportation sound] I’m sorry I tried to kill you all. I love you! Apology accepted. I’m glad we can now work together without any detestation. Now let’s just get the thingamabob on the boohickey and we’ll get this phone working. On it! [loud drilling and hammering] Phew. [flames sizzle] Don’t forget the wire! I brought it just for him! Oh. Um, sure? [flames sizzle] [whoosh, thud] [chime] Just what the doctor ordered. I’m cured of my condition. Um, um, actually, it’s known as a “condishawn.” Right, right. Whatever. Thanks to you, MePad, I feel brand new again. You must also thank Toilet, sir, for we wouldn’t have been able to have done this challenge without him. Nah. M-Mistah Phone? So, thanks to Toilet’s terrible team-leading skills, the Grand Slams lose again. Can’t say I’m surprised
by the outcome, so they’re up for elimination. Time to vote a Slam outta here. [funky music] So, you sure it’s okay if I’m repaired in here? Oh, absolutely. Man, it’s a shame too. We’ve gone several months without any patients. Nobody has even stepped foot in this room for quite some time. Wow. Well, how MUCH time? Uh… I’ll have to get back to you on that.

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